How to Respect Your Man: A Guide for "Chairs"
Understanding and appreciating your man's fundamental needs is key to fostering a strong and respectful relationship. This guide outlines essential ways to honor him in areas critical to his sense of self and well-being.
I. CONQUEST: Appreciate His Desire to Work and Achieve
He thrives on seeing his efforts translate into results and receiving recognition for his contributions.
Acknowledge his work efforts verbally or in writing, letting him know you value what he does.
Express your faith in him, particularly concerning his chosen field or endeavors.
Listen to his work stories as attentively as you expect him to listen to your accounts of family life.
See yourself as his helpmate and counterpart, discussing this dynamic with him whenever possible.
Allow him to pursue his dreams, just as he did when you were courting.
Avoid dishonoring or subtly criticizing his work "in the field" as a tactic to gain more affection or attention "in the family."
II. HIERARCHY: Appreciate His Desire to Protect and Provide
He feels respected when you acknowledge his role as your protector and provider, a fundamental aspect of his male identity.
Verbalize your admiration for his willingness to protect you and, if necessary, to die for you.
Praise his commitment to provide for and protect you and the family; he needs to know you don't take this for granted.
Empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, rank, or being "one-up" or "one-down," especially in professional settings.
Never mock the idea of "looking up to him" as your protector to prevent him from "looking down on you."
Avoid, in word or body language, putting down his job or his earnings.
Always be ready to figuratively "light the candle" when times are tough, showing resilience and support.
Quietly and respectfully voice concerns about finances, offering solutions on where you might be able to cut spending.
III. AUTHORITY: Appreciate His Authority and Leadership
He needs his leadership and decision-making capabilities to be honored and supported.
Tell him you are thankful for his strength and that you enjoy being able to lean on him at times.
Actively support his self-image as a leader.
Avoid contradictions like, "You're responsible, but we're still equal, so don't make a decision I don't agree with."
Praise his good decisions.
Be gracious if he makes a less-than-ideal decision.
Disagree with him only in private and consistently honor his authority in front of others.
Give your reasons for disagreeing quietly and reasonably, but never attack his fundamental right to lead.
Do not play "head games" with him to manipulate him into backing down or becoming a "loving peacemaker."
IV. INSIGHT: Appreciate His Insight and Counsel
He values being seen as wise and resourceful, and for his problem-solving approach to be respected.
Tell him upfront if you simply need him to listen ("just need his ear"), to avoid later complaints that he always tries to "fix" things.
Thank him for his advice without acting insulted or implying he doesn't care about your feelings.
Recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.
Acknowledge your own vulnerabilities, especially among males, and genuinely value his protection.
Counsel him respectfully when you differ with his ideas; you can be right without being loud or confrontational.
Sometimes allow him to "fix things" and applaud his solutions.
Let him know that you believe in the complementary purpose of male and female, and that you need each other.
Admit when you can be wrong and thank him for his perception and godly counsel.
V. RELATIONSHIP: Value His Shoulder-to-Shoulder Friendship
He desires a sense of camaraderie and shared activity, alongside intimate connection.
Tell him you genuinely like him and show it; he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you truly like him.
Respond positively to his invitations for recreational activities, whether participating actively or simply coming along to watch him; even occasional involvement can energize him immensely.
Enable him to open up and talk to you as you engage in activities side-by-side.
Encourage him to spend time alone, as this personal space often energizes him to reconnect more fully with you later.
Avoid denouncing his shoulder-to-shoulder activities with his male friends as a way to force more face-to-face time with you. Respect his friendships, and he will be more likely to want you to join him shoulder-to-shoulder at other times.
VI. SEXUALITY: Appreciate His Desire for Sexual Intimacy
He needs his sexual needs to be understood, accepted, and met within your relationship.
Respond to him sexually more often and initiate intimacy periodically.
Understand that he needs sexual release, just as you may need emotional release.
Allow him to acknowledge his sexual temptations without fear that he'll be unfaithful and without shaming him.
Do not try to make him open up to you verbally by withholding sexual intimacy.
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